i guess i am cursed.love is not for me.
while its perfect...maybe im not.
how do i let go? is it even worth it staying in this?
am i suppose to just be accepting of what was...even all that is still
somewhat prevalent?
his friends know her...i hardly know them...
i dont think he even has pictures of me...
i think he must have loved to show her off coz
she was so beautiful...(something he said when we started dating...)
he must've had pictures posted of her on blogs...doors...wallets...cars..
maybe even a picture frame...
his friends must've loved her...
she must've loved to go and party with him and his friends...
she must have liked socializing with them unlike me...
maybe its coz im older? he's younger and she well...was a child...
i keep wondering if im a better lover...i am much older,i give more,im more experienced...do i care for him better than she did?
why do i need to compare..i am me.. i am much stronger than this...
is it worth the pain being in this...
is it worth it hurting him?
5 months one day....
i never thought id fall for him...nor did he with me...
and he said so much about her,stuff you dont say...stuff you leave behind...back then i thought~ poor kid isnt over his ex...
they were engaged for awhile..that hurts too.
but i thought we'd play awhile. then before i knew i had fallen...
i hurt so much knowing he still had her in his life somewhat...
then...he has moved on and they are no longer in each others lives..
after all when someone hurts you like that you leave it all in the past.
why cant i move on from this ;and she then? do i love him too much?
everyday i hurt...he hurts.
it took awhile before he trully was over her..we shed some tears...and what he felt then is now long gone...
but all i know is still here-i cant let go and sometimes i feel i should just stop it all now before all of me is long gone.before all respect has withered down to nothing.
i just cant fathom thinking of anyone else loving him...hurting him...am i just egotistic...?
i love him so much i hurt everyday-it is a curse ive had all my life.
maybe im not meant to love... maybe i dont know anything but irrational ellipses......
..... maybe i dont know how to love...maybe i am cursed.
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